Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sleepaway Camp ( 1983 )

 

AKA: Nightmare Vacation

"Slightly disturbed and painfully shy Angela Baker is sent away to summer camp with her cousin. Not long after Angela's arrival, things start to go horribly wrong for anyone with sinister or less than honorable intentions." 


Ricky and Angela
Camp slashers were all the rage in the 80's after the extremely successful "Friday the 13th" film series. But there was a good few that shined from the bunch. This is one series that I believe succeeded at second best in summer slashers next to the big time Voorhees empire. A definite cult classic and underground gem, this flick is still talked about to this day as holding one of the most shocking endings in horror history. You can ask anyone and that will usually be the first thing that comes to their mind. I particularly enjoy this film because it strays from the basic "masked madman out for revenge" formula and instead boasts a clever guessing game of "could be" suspects. All of which seem a little "off" or have good reason to be suspected as a cold blooded murderer.






Aunt Martha ties strings around her fingers so she doesnt forget !
The film starts out with a accident that occured years before our central story, where one child and the father are run over by a speed boat. Cut to years later, Angela Baker and cousin Ricky are sent off by their insanely quirky weirdo aunt Martha to the annual summer camp for some summer fun. From the beginning you can tell aunt Martha lost a few marbles, and she has something to do with the storyline. Angela is also a little weird.....actually little is taking it lightly, shes really weird. She stares are other campers without so much as a blink without expression and barely says a word, so shes a easy target for the other campers to pick on. With her cousin Ricky on her constant defense it stirs up trouble at the campsite and then suddenly campers start to die off.....often in violent and imaginative ways.

Boiled to death
 Arrow to the jugular
Definetely molded to be fun and quirky, this film manages not to be very scary for the most part, but its unforgettable to say the least. Its rather funny though im not sure its entirely intentional ( god damn these kids swear ALOT ). The dialog is so cheesy its quite hilarious and gives the film a somewhat humorous entertainment quality. But dont be discouraged, the underlying sub-story is actually quite disturbing and creepy once you reach the final conclusion. Sure as hell shocked me ! The killers secret identity also isnt revealed to the end, so we often see a silhouette or a hand before each grisly murder is commited. Which I really liked because it keeps you enamoured to figure out the mystery. The acting is pretty ridiculous but it works with the feel of the film. The music is pretty basic stalk slasher stuff, it fits just fine. The murder scenes are pretty twisted and well worth watching. With all that being said this is a DEFINITE must see for horror fans. Its the kinda movie that went underated and overshadowed by all the bigger hit horror films at the time. Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy, the ending is the ultimate payoff !

Gore : 2/5 - Theres some nasty stuff here, but some deaths that appear off screen. Not too gory but still awesome !

Gratuitous Nudity : 0/5 - Well there is one.....full male frontal.

Alternate VHS artwork
Death Count : +12 - Some pretty nasty ones, boiled to death, curling iron into the va-jay-jay, stung to death by bees, decapitation, among many others.

Special FX : 3/5 - The bodys that do appear are pretty nasty and mangled. The boiling death is pretty impressive.

Best scenes/Things to look for : Theres tons, we meet a pedophile cook who calls kids "baldies", who is basically springing a hardon when the kids arrive off the bus, blowing kisses and shit. Its actually quite funny, and yet no one reports him ! The bee hive death is another good cringing scene. Stung to death on the shitter.....that really fucking sucks.

Things you will learn from this movie

Woman are terrible drivers all around....even on a boat.

You can bribe witnesses of a murder to keep shut by offering them $15 bucks

Mind over matter means getting a bare ass to your face

When the ALL the girls refuse to go skinny dipping, its perfectly normal for all the dudes to just go

Calling people "fags" and "pussies" while wearing booty shorts makes no sense

Memorable quotes : "you're a regular carpenters dream ! Flat as a board and needs a screw !"

5/5







Monday, July 4, 2011

Eraserhead ( 1977 )

  

"Henry Spencer tries to survive his industrial environment, his angry girlfriend, and the unbearable screams of his newly born mutant child"

Henry Spencer
Baffling, stunning, nightmarish and above all truely frightening. This is the only truthful way to describe Eraserhead. Directed by the legendary David Lynch ( Mulholland Drive, Blue Velvet, Lost Highway ), this remains to be his most disturbing film of his career....and of all cinema history. Rated one of the top 25 most dangerous films of all time by Premiere Hollywood, the film preys upon the viewer psychologically. Taking them to a surreal world of nightmares they could never dream ( or even fathom ) of experiencing.

The man in the planet....symbolism of god ?
Our films main character, Henry Spencer, lives in what seems to be a nuclear wasteland full of noises and pollution. His girlfriend Mary gives birth to a premature mutant baby ( with the news told at a very strange dinner scene ), together they decide to get married and move into Henry's apartment to raise the child together. But the mutant baby's continuous haunting cries lead Mary to pack her luggage and leave Henry to take care of the "child" alone.

The mutant baby
That's the basic outline of the plot from what the viewer can gather, because its hard to make sense of all the random and odd things that we are shown, coupled with that is some nightmarish images and scenes that will burn into your subconscious forever, like a bad memory that you want to forget. We see Henry's wife birthing worms, bleeding trees, a singing woman with deformed cheeks that appears from the apartment radiator among other things that are just.....ill put it blatantly....really fucked up. There is a true underlining meaning behind the movie, but Lynch refuses to tell what he was trying to convey to the viewer, its something you will have to witness and judge yourself. I myself have my own theories of explanation.
The woman in the radiator

This film is not meant for everyone, but its something I believe everyone should witness at least once. This Isn't your pre packaged Hollywood bullshit that's fun for the whole family, so think again. Its full of dark, depressing, and desolate visuals that make it arresting....and strangely beautiful. Its a world of surrealism you won't get to witness in any other film anytime soon. The music is just as eerie, the piano and organ sound like its being played out of a old haunted chapel and fits very well into the film. There's very little dialog ( the first 10 minutes are just strait film ), so its something you will have to pay attention to, but to try and make sense of it, don't be surprised if you end up watching it several times.

This is actually by far, the scariest movie I have ever seen and that is a fact readers. I still remember the first time I watched this. I was half asleep ( bad idea ! ) and had nightmares for a week about that damn baby, hearing its gurgling cries make me cringe. Everyone I've shown this film to has a similar reaction ( my sister and girlfriend hate it, and hate when I bring it up ) but ironically this became one of my all time favorite movies, because for some reason I just find it so endearing and fascinating. So if you are feeling curious and a little brave I would say check it out....if you can make it through the entire movie....


Gore : 0/5 - This isn't a run of the mill horror film what so ever, its not needed.

Gratuitous Nudity : 0/5

Death count : +1 - Though there is one death, and it is very, very unsettling.

Special FX : 5/5 - The baby is the true star of the film, Director David Lynch never revealed how he made the baby, because it looks so realistic it could not have been created by hand. Rumor has it that it was made from a embalmed calf fetus, but no one will ever know.

Alternate poster art
Best scenes : I  love particularly love the scene where the mysterious woman in the radiator emerges from the darkness to sing "In heaven". It sends chills up my spine everytime.

Things you will learn from this movie

Mutant baby's often are born looking like E.T

If you don't cooperate your girlfriends mom will start sucking on your neck

Cook chicken right or it will start to dance on your plate

Bums want severed heads that fall from the sky

When you die you'll be sold off for making pencil erasers

Mutant baby's are total cockblocks

5/5